J & H sandwiches


Just when you think that your world is spinning at the proper angle on it’s axis, an invisible hand reaches out onto the stage, drops a cosmic banana peel, and sends it tumbling down into an abyss of the ridiculous. It could be something as banal as ham and jam sandwiches. Yes Geoffrey, such a thing could happen- indeed DID of all places happen at a funeral reception. I have witnesses. I am told (by one very reliable source) that some local grocery outlet- well known for stuffing “smiles in the bag for you” was responsible for this act of culinary heresy (not to mention that it just was NOT kosher). One could be forgiven for mixing red pepper jelly with the said trayf meat- but strawberry jam?? Oy veh, vat iss dis vurld comink too?? My only comfort is that “it is not what goes into the mouth that defiles a person, but that which comes out of the mouth [speech]”. This item is not to go on your menu my son-the-chef (be very very afraid….)

2 comments

  1. matthew christopher davidson · March 26, 2006

    Ham and Jam rhyme. As such, they cancel each other out. Therefore they are both permissible in the same sandwich. So said Rabbi Shmilke of the town of Pottel, in the 3rd century. He was hung upside down and swatted for his insolence and unkempt hair, mind you…

  2. Junior_Veggie001 · March 28, 2006

    What ho!Jam and ham and such what? Hmm, perhaps they were ill when they thought up that anti-christ of harmonizations. Quite possibly cause and effect of pre-epiphany consumption of other such attrocities. Say, quince and tripe? I can only speculate jam and ham would increase the grief at a ‘berevemonte du parte’ and perhaps it was for the benifit of those who were only passing aquaintences of said mortis subject, in order for them to relate to the rest of the room. Nothing worse than standing out at a funeral, so tears may be had by the buffet…tally ho!

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