Continuing growing pains…

I guess there is not a person on this planet that doesn’t have a pet peeve. It is perfectly normal to be bothered by certain attitudes or actions. My ‘button’ is flipped by inconsiderate people that hide behind the pretense of “forgetting” (translate: ignoring) their responsibilities. Such people often take advantage of the ones around them, and have no boundaries whatsoever with respect to their own wants and desires. They march to the beat of their own drum, have their own timetable for everything imaginable, and are utterly incapable of acknowledging any other needs or opinions but their own. They frequently get angry when their friends or family have ‘had enough’ and commit the sin of daring to question or confront them regarding their behaviour. I find myself sequestered into a smouldering mass of bitter silence when this happens- due to my own irrational fear of the “other person’s” anger. I am attempting to change old patterns of responding, but this pattern is difficult to break. It is a survival mode, born out of the stories learned from earliest childhood. I need a new script, a better roadmap.

I suppose that the very act of ‘pouring out my heart’ brings a modicum of comfort- but I have observed throughout the years that conversations are meaningless if they are not accompanied by actions. It is pointless to hear endless apologies when the behaviour doesn’t change. Maybe John the Baptist felt the same way when he told the Pharisees to change their lifestyle and habits before ‘talking the talk’. I am trying not to sink into discouragement- but I am also exhausted. I wish that the computer screen could reach out and give me a hug- and reassure me that my expectations (dare I say that) are not unreasonable.

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