I am an observer. I guess I come by it honestly enough. I have spent over 20 years in school, taking notes, listening to others tell me how to think- only to have my thinking toppled by those who say that I must forge my own opinions. The risk of being “wrong” has always been too great, for in that state of “wrongness” lies the penalty of physical and/or emotional exile. The act of observing is a skill that requires a level of security in one’s own ability to see and trust the integrity of one’s vision. And yet, can we say that our vision is totally objective and able to be divorced from the context of interpretation? I walk into a room and “see” people engaging in conversation. I watch them interact with each other, and the thousand levels of nuance that I may, or may not pick up on- depending on the sensitivity of my eyes and ears- are still filtered through the lenses of personal experience.
If relationships could be distilled into a simple cause-and-effect formula, life would be much simpler- albeit rather dull. It is painful to sit with insecurity.

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