New Year’s Resolutions for 2010

Can I by resolving a thing, actually make it so? I resolve to get into better shape, but at the same time, I need to get off of my duff and walk, swim, and garden my way to fitness. I resolve to be a kinder and more forgiving person, but the situations that cross my path, demanding that same kindness and forgiveness, will not be pretty ones. Nothing worth striving for is achieved without sacrifice of some sort. The laying down of one’s pride- or shall I say, MY pride (for indeed, I want to take ownership of these shortcomings) is not without a significant amount of soul wrestling. My demons are easily identifiable- fear of rejection, fear of what others will think of me- I am disgusted with my cowardice. I resolve to get to know my grandchild. I wonder if I will ever experience the love of his mother, but I am not holding my breath, and besides- it is more important that I continue to love her, without condition, without expectation. Not that it is easy mind you. It is hard to engage with a culture that exalts martyrdom and victimhood, creating saints from drama queens of all shapes and walks of life. All you have to do is see a few visions, hear a few voices, and then (preferably) die for the faith. A religion that exalts suffering and death does not do much to attract me to its god.
I resolve to live life to the fullest. To have adventures, to laugh riotously and enjoy love, the fragrance of flowers, trees, the ocean and the ancient forests of the island I call home. I resolve to return to the land of my daughter-in-love’s birth. To love my granddaughter with sweet abandon, and open up to her the wonders of the world. I resolve to be with people that nurture my spirit, soul, mind, and emotions. I resolve to nurture in return. And above all, I resolve to practice the disciplines of thankfulness, gratitude, prayer, and meditative silence. To accept what I see in people, both the good and the bad, without judgement, knowing that I will be judged one day before God. I pray that God will put a watch on my tongue, guard my heart from evil thoughts, and keep me from speaking words that I will one day regret. And if there are times when a gentle rebuke is unavoidable, I pray for the humility of spirit to be able to deliver such words with the utmost care- examining my own heart first. Not being the first to cast stones. And so, with these thoughts purcolating, I leave to lie in repose.

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